The short answer
On a night when you are sleepy but do not want to go to bed, you may feel you have not yet had time for yourself. Put the kind of time you wanted into specific words, then choose one enjoyable activity with an ending for tonight. Look for manageable ways to value both your sleep and your own time.
Key points
- Make room for the feeling “I am sleepy, but I do not want the day to end”
- Bedtime delay has different backgrounds and cannot be explained by one reason
- Describe specifically what kind of time for yourself you wanted
- Try an enjoyable activity with an ending, or some personal time earlier in the day
- Add last night’s feelings and the next morning’s experience to your sleep record
The evening when your time finally begins
“If I go to bed now, today will have been nothing but work and chores.”
No one needs a reply. No one is asking for something. You can look at what you like, in whatever order you choose. That time may only just have arrived.
When considering bedtime, it is worth making room for the feeling that you finally have time for yourself.
There is more than one reason for delaying bedtime
Researchers use “bedtime procrastination” to describe going to bed later than intended without an external task or circumstance preventing sleep. A survey of 177 people found an association between this tendency and perceived insufficient sleep. Because it measured one point in time, it could not establish the order of cause and effect (Kroese et al., 2014).
So why do people delay going to bed?
In another study involving in-depth interviews with 17 people, wanting time for oneself was one explanation. Other people lost track of time while absorbed in an enjoyable activity, and backgrounds varied. This was a small interview study, not an explanation for every late night (Nauts et al., 2019).
Work or caring responsibilities may leave too little opportunity for sleep in the first place. Some people get into bed but cannot fall asleep. It matters to understand the reasons for late nights within your own circumstances.
Here, we focus on nights when you feel sleepy but do not want the day to end yet.
What kind of time were you hoping for?
You watched one video after another but barely remember what you saw. Even so, you did not want to close the screen.
On a night like that, it may help to reflect not only on what you were watching, but on how you wanted to spend that time.
Perhaps you wanted to laugh a little, stop considering everyone else, do something you chose yourself, or spend a while without thinking about tomorrow.
“I want time for myself” can mean different things to different people, and on different days.
If you leave a note, “Today I wanted some time when I did not have to reply to anyone” is specific enough. Understanding that feeling can offer a clue to how you might spend the evening.
If you change a little tonight
Choose one idea that seems to fit your life now.
1. Choose a satisfying stopping point first
Listen to one favourite song. Read a few pages. Look through some photographs you have been meaning to revisit.
One experiment is to decide what you will enjoy before beginning. An activity with a visible ending makes it easier to recognise the time you enjoyed.
The US National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute recommends quiet time before bed and avoiding bright light from televisions and other screens. Choose a pre-sleep pleasure that helps you feel settled (NHLBI, Healthy Sleep Habits).
2. Try placing a little personal time earlier, too
When your schedule allows, place a small moment elsewhere: a few minutes at the end of lunch, or a favourite song after dinner.
If you wait until everything is finished to have time for yourself, a day full of tasks can push it late into the night. This is a way to explore whether there is a little room for enjoyment within the day.
Work and family circumstances leave some people with little control over their time. What is possible differs. Start with places that feel manageable in your own life.
3. Add last night’s feelings to the morning record
Apple Watch lets you review estimated sleep duration and past sleep records (Apple Support).
Add a few words about morning sleepiness, feeling rested and how you spent the evening.
“I went to bed late. I read a book I love for the first time in a while. A little sleepy this morning.”
“I kept watching videos. I did not want the day to end. It did not leave much sense of satisfaction.”
Placing sleep duration beside how you felt that night can help you explore what suits you. The record can be a clue when considering the next evening.
Care for today’s time and tomorrow’s rest
If you repeatedly want to sleep but cannot, or insufficient sleep and sleepiness interfere with work or household tasks, consult a healthcare professional. Alongside practical changes, investigating the cause may help (NHLBI, Insomnia Diagnosis).
The time for yourself that finally remains at the end of a day is meaningful. Not wanting it to end is a useful clue when reflecting on your life.
“I want to go to bed early” and “I do not want today to end yet” can exist on the same evening.
Little by little, you can look for a way to care for both the time you have today and the rest your future self needs.
References
- Kroese FM, et al. (2014). Bedtime procrastination: introducing a new area of procrastination — Frontiers in Psychology, 5, 611. DOI: 10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00611
- Nauts S, et al. (2019). The Explanations People Give for Going to Bed Late: A Qualitative Study of the Varieties of Bedtime Procrastination — Behavioral Sleep Medicine, 17(6), 753–762. DOI: 10.1080/15402002.2018.1491850
- Sleep Deprivation and Deficiency: Healthy Sleep Habits — National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (2022)
- Track your sleep with Apple Watch and use Sleep on iPhone — Apple Support
- Insomnia: Diagnosis — National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute (2022)